


maybe because it was tuesday

by Ididntsignupforthisshit (myhamartia)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Trans Jared Kleinman, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 18:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11167683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhamartia/pseuds/Ididntsignupforthisshit
Summary: He wasn't sure what it was about that day - maybe it was because it was Tuesday, maybe it was the fact Jared failed in his New Year's Resolution to go to the gym everyday. Mybe it was the phase of the moon, or his hormonal dysfunction that was supposed to be a balance. Who knew?All Jared knew is that he felt like shit.





	maybe because it was tuesday

He wasn’t sure what it was about the day - maybe it was because it was Tuesday, maybe it was the fact that Jared had failed his commitment to go to the gym every day. Maybe it was the phase of the moon, or his hormonal dysfunction that was supposed to be a balance.

Maybe it was because he knew his period was in just a few days.

All Jared knew is that dysphoria sucked ass and there wasn’t much he could do about it all.

He flopped down onto his bed, his arms underneath him as he groaned loudly.

All he felt like doing was curling up in a hole and just sleeping for 8 consecutive days on end.

So he did, in a sense. He curled up under his quilts, his head under the blankets and passed out. It was nice, he was able to forget it all. That was, of course, until he woke up and felt it all crash down on his shoulders again.

He was left with 3 hours wasted and feeling numb again, at a loss for positive at the moment. Great. Simply fucking great.

With a heavy heaving sigh, he pulled himself up out of the mess of blankets, sheets and pillows. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a thick hoodie. He made sure to snag his phone from under his pillow before leaving his bedroom. He pulled the door with a little click and went to slip on a pair of Converse lowtops Jared couldn’t even remember buying, now. They were lying halfway under the couch, so he simply sat on the floor while he put them on. He was down there anyhow. It wasn’t like he had the energy to  _ bend down _ and pull them out,  _ stand back up _ and then put his shoes on while standing? That exhausted him just thinking about it. Next idea, please.

With a little sigh and shoes tied, Jared pulled his phone from his pocket.

The plan was to go chill at Evan’s for a bit, maybe get his mind off of all this self doubt that seemed to have taken over, holding his mind captive in such a way that he had to actively fight to ignore it.

Even so, he figured he’d text first. His boyfriend was the type to always get anxious when people came over unexpectedly. It was the little things, like if his apartment was too messy, or if his curtains were a certain way, or what kind of soap he used in his bathroom.

Jar’o’peanutbutter: hey can i come hang out for a while?

The reply was quick in coming.

PiningforU: Yeah, of course!!

PiningforU: Give me 20?

Jared smiled, just imaging Evan looking up from his phone, slightly panicked as he figured out how to make the place spotless

Jar’o’peanutbutter: ok. Im just leaving now so ill be @ urs in 30

PiningforU: Alright!

Jared stuffed his phone back into his pocket. It took him a generous forty seconds before he heaved himself from the floor, rolling onto his knees before using his hands to levy himself up.

With a groan, he shuffled across the flooring towards his front door.

Within minutes the apartment door was locked and he was down the street, on his way to the subway.

A little later than expected, Jared was knocking on Evan’s apartment door.

He picked up takeout on the way. The bag thumped heavily against his leg as he waited. Rather quickly, Jared heard the chain to the door unlatch and the door swung open, revealing a smiling Evan.

“Hi,” he said, pulling the door open wider so Jared could shuffle his way in. He took the plastic bag from Jared’s fingers and back up into the entryway. “If you could kick your shoes off, I just swept in here.”

Jared bobbed his head. “Sure,” he said, kicking off his sneakers before toeing them into a careful line beside Evan’s shoes.

“Do you want to eat off of plates, or just use the take out boxes?” Evan asked.

Jared gave a careless shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t care. Whatever you want to do.”

He looked to Evan, who looked from the plastic bag in his hands, to the coffee table in front of the TV. He gave a little nod and Jared smiled to himself at how cute the little action was.

“Take out containers,” Evan affirmed, twisting on his heel so he could go to the little connected kitchen. Jared listened to the sound of crinkling plastic and paper sliding against paper as Evan unpacked the food and sorted through all the little sauces Jared made sure to grab. Socked feet padded against the hardwood floor as Jared made his way into the kitchen. He leaned on the doorpost, his head thumping against a little calender pinned up just above his head.

Jared watched as Evan moved around the small kitchen, grabbing at little bowls to empty the sauce packets into, finding the small bottle of soy sauce he keeps tucked away in the door to his fridge.

Evan looked up, his mouth in a cute resting downturn.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Jared wondered if he just  _ exuded _  this feeling. If Evan was able to tell something was off by a single glance, he must be practically sweating it out of his pores.

He shrugged the shoulder not propped up by the doorway.

“Not feeling it today, I guess,” he said flippantly. He pushed off the doorframe and put a wide smile to his face. “I’m fine,” he said, backtracking. To Evan’s wary glance, he sighed, “ _ Really _ .”

“...Okay.” Evan looked back to the sauce packets, picking up a duck sauce and fiddled with the end, trying to tear the surprisingly resilient plastic. “I’m here.” The words were soft and they bounced off the cabinet doors, to the tile flooring, right into Jared’s chest.

Jared felt that odd swooping motion in his stomach and it made him want to choke up, to spill all of those stupid Feelings he spends too much time repressing. He wanted to be held. He wanted this goddamn feeling erased.

His brain told him that this would be over in a few days.

Jared didn’t think he could wait all that long.

Nevertheless, he just nodded knowingly. Little things. He stepped up to the cabinet Evan was in front of, intent on retrieving a cup from within. A hand pressed to Evan’s lower back while Jared’s other hand fussed with the cabinet door and grabbing a glass. Evan reaching up to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

It was minutes before they were tucked into the little loveseat shoved into Evan’s apartment, a blanket underneath them creating an odd sort of uncomfortable cushion you can never sit right on.

But of course, taking it out would have been too simple, so it stayed under them.

Takeout containers full of noodles and stir fry were passed back and forth.

_ We really should have grabbed plates _ , Jared mused as his boyfriend carefully took the little bowl of sauce from his hand.

The television played an old rerun of Golden Girls, but Jared was barely paying attention to it, too wrapped up in the feeling of his shirt shifting along his skin to make any shitty, sarcastic comments to the screen.

Going binder-less was a pain, but he knew it had to be done. He had gone too hard, wearing it much past the acceptable time for one to be wearing a binder.

He was left to lay off for a few days, let his skin breath and his bones rest. Left with a shit ton of dysphoria while he let his body regenerate.

As he shifted, reaching for his glass of water, his shirt, doubled with the hoodie he still wore, it all made for a very unpleasant experience. He wanted to go back to bed, to sigh, moan, pitch a fit. Anything that would take his mind off the that icky feeling spreading through him, giving him no reprieve.

Evan moved at his side, catching his attention; Jared looked over, his eyebrows raised.

Evan put the take-out container aside to the coffee table and made to crawl closer. When he sat back down again, his knees were pressed up against Jared's thigh.

"You're quiet. Are you sure you're alright?"

Jared paused for a minute, tugging at the bottom of his sweatshirt. "I guess. Just feeling shitty."

"Can I ask why? I-I mean, if you don't _want_ to talk about it, then that's fine. But, if I can, I want to help."

Jared smiled at him weakly. "Just feeling dysphoric, I guess. Almost on my period-," Evan nodded knowingly, "-so, it's worse than normal. It sucks ass." He trailed off and shrugged his shoulder lamely.

Evan leaned across the space, his hand braced on Jared's knee as he kissed his boyfriend's cheek.

"I'm sorry it's bad," he said softly.

Jared shrugged again, silent.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He almost shrugged again. What a fucking pleasant conversation partner he turned out to be. But. He didn't shrug. He tangled his fingers with the hand on his knee, thumb passing by and stroking each of Evan's knuckles in reach.

"Not really," Jared admitted, no matter how much he wanted his answer to be false. "You know me. My cycle and stuff will be over and it'll be fine. Just have to get through a couple of shitty days first."

Evan hummed unhappily. "Oh. Okay. Tell me if there is anything I can do, alright?"

Jared squeezed his hand. "Alright. For now, though, this is good. Just hanging out with my favorite person makes it loads better anyhow." He pulled Evan forward by the hand a little, just until he was in range for Jared to kiss him soundly.

After a moment (a long, long moment of heat and heavy kisses), Jared sighed against Evan's mouth.

"Thank you."

Evan pulled back, his breath only slightly labored. "What for?"

"Everything. I don't know." He traced his fingers around Evan's hands. "For being you."

Another kiss. This one softer. Slower. Closer.

Soft words, gentle kisses and careful hands is what led them to shut off the TV and somehow finding their way across to the bedroom.

It was hard to concentrate on the dark side of things when you have a boyfriend so determined to bring you back into the light.

Aah. Jared didn't know what he would do without him.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! Please drop me a comment! You can also come talk to me over on tumblr @peanutbutterandbitter !
> 
> [tumblr](https://peanutbutterandbitter.tumblr.com/)


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